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A month without fags

December 28, 2008

It’s now been exactly four weeks since I had my last cigarette.

In some ways it has been easy. It was like a switch was flicked in my mind and I decided not to smoke. I’ve been out drinking and pubbing and haven’t been tempted to have a fag. But I know how easily the switch can flick back.

The key to not smoking is to remember that I am doing it for me – and no-one else. With any addiction there are levels of deception. You can pretend to everyone else that you’re not smoking or drinking or taking heroin but at some point you’re faced with a situation where you’re alone and you know you could drink/smoke/whatever and no-0ne else would ever know. Those are the moments when I have to be strong. As a rule, I like doing things in secret and enjoy feeling that I’ve fooled people, but at this stage I’d rather be a good boy. I’m not saying that I’ve quit, but so far so good.

In terms of side-effects, I’ve found that I’m grinding my teeth more than usual, and that I’ m not sleeping very well. I’ve got more energy since I stopped smoking, which is good, but means that often I’m jumpy and nervous before bed. Or it may be that that shift in my brain that caused me to stop smoking is also causing me to think about other things in life, which is what is keeping me awake. Still, I’ve seen a few good late-night films in the early hours.

My eating habits are also changing. In terms of a meal, the cigarette is the full-stop that punctuates dinner and tells me that eating has finished. I no longer have that, so I’m eating more and feeling fat and bloated.  I could start writing about my toilet habits, but no-one wants to know that, and it would destroy what little mystique remains…

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